“Self is in the pause.” That feels like the heart of it. The maturation lives there, in that space between urgency and reaction. My teacher calls this ‘getting in the gap’. So much of our agency lives there!
I’m so grateful you took the time to read it, and even more that it resonated. When you have time to sit with it more, I’d love to hear what stands out for you.
Dear Rachael, your words land in my body like the presence of a weighted blanket. Your leadership shows vision, courage, and integrity. Thank you for this clear articulation of the invitation at the threshold. Without knowing it, my body has longed for slow leadership. To be able integrate and articulate without rushing to perform or provide. This is a pivotal moment. And I’m grateful for your clarity.
“Like a weighted blanket” is such a generous reflection. That steadiness is exactly what I was hoping to transmit. Not urgency. Not performance. Just enough pause to feel what is actually happening.
I resonate with what you said about longing for slow leadership. I think many of us have. Space to integrate before we articulate. To metabolise before we move.
Astounding. Captivating. Thank you for all the effort you put into this wisdom for the moment. Perfect follow up Rachael for what Lissa wrote yesterday. Thank you!
"What red flags did we paint white because the teachings were useful?...This moment is not simply about who is guilty and who is innocent. It is about the coming-of-age of an entire field." Yes - powerful words. An invitation for us all to explore.
Love the deeper dive into Placing People on a Pedastal. Placing anyone on a pedastal eventually leads to their inevitable dethroning as it starts with an inherent power differential and idolization. A dynamic that is not sustainable and deeply impactful.
Thank you. There’s something sobering in recognising how easily admiration can slide into imbalance.
When hierarchy hardens into idolisation, rupture is almost inevitable. Not because humans are uniquely flawed, but because no one can sustain the weight of projection indefinitely.
If this moment helps us build relationships rooted in mutual humanity rather than elevation and collapse, then something truly mature may come from it.
Wow! This piece spoke to my Soul and made me cry. Such a powerful call to self reflect...this is a beautiful gift that I want to spend time with...to read and re-read your evocative invitations to slow witnessing, to grieve whatever needs to be healed and to step more fully into a space of discernment. Thank you. 🙏 💚
Wow, thank you. I recognise your name from many moons ago listening to the Treesisters events. Your work is so powerful so hearing this from you means the world
One thing I find really interesting as a spiritual abuse researcher and someone who has also been around the spiritual block is the notion of projection.
The #1 comment I hear from spiritual teachers when spiritual abuse comes up is "well students just project onto the teachers".
What I say almost every time is "sure, but how did the teacher set that up to begin with, then blame the student for doing it?"
Spiritual teachers often build their own pedestals through their teachings (I'm so great and cutting edge, we are doing something so amazing, you are so special for being here)
and leadership choices (only 1 person at the top, founder syndrome, no accountability, no collective or rotating leadership, cherry picked boards of directors)
so what happens is students are actually often TAUGHT to project greatness and positive qualities onto the teacher, because it is part of the teacher's business model to keep people hooked on them and to not share or give up power over the entirety of their career. And what really gets me is every time shit hits the fan, teachers blame the students - as though students weren't discerning enough, shouldn't have raised them up so high, when literally they set the stage.
Thank you Rachel for this essay. I appreciate the nuance you are bringing to the topic.
I read most of the essay, but not all, so I apologize if there is some nuance I missed here. I'm happy to connect more.
yesssss, this is such an important layer to name, thank you for bringing it in so clearly.
You are absolutely right… “projection” gets used by a lot of teachers as a way to dodge responsibility, instead of asking the harder question you posed so well: how was that dynamic architected in the first place, and who benefits from it staying that way? If your entire business model rests on “I am uniquely cutting edge, you are special for being here, I sit at the top of the pyramid, no real accountability, no meaningful rotation of power,” then students are not just accidentally projecting, they are being trained to.
In this piece I was mostly zooming in on the participant side of the field, because that is where our agency lives day to day, and I am glad you are naming so directly the structural and leadership choices that manufacture projection and then blame the student for doing what the system quietly required of them. Both have to be in view if we are going to grow a healthier culture.
I would love to be in more conversation about your work on spiritual abuse and leadership design. This is exactly the kind of nuance I want to see shaping what comes next.
This really lands, because it names the uniquely disorienting grief of a guru fall: it’s not just “a person disappointed you,” it’s that a whole meaning system you built around them suddenly feels unsafe to inhabit.
What I appreciated is how you hold two truths at once without rushing to tidy them up. On one hand, people absolutely can teach something valuable and still be deeply flawed, sometimes even abusive. On the other hand, the harm isn’t erased by “but the teachings helped me,” and the help isn’t erased by “but the person betrayed trust.” Both can be real, and the nervous system often needs time to metabolize that contradiction.
From a clinician’s lens, the psychology here makes a lot of sense: guru dynamics often borrow from attachment. When someone becomes a “safe base,” our brains stop scrutinizing them the way we would a peer. We outsource uncertainty. And that outsourcing can feel like relief, until it becomes dependency. When the figure falls, people aren’t just angry; they’re experiencing something like withdrawal plus betrayal injury.
The most useful part of your piece is the invitation to mature the spirituality rather than discard it. Keep the practices that genuinely help you regulate, connect, and become kinder, but rebuild your relationship to authority. Less “I need someone pure,” more “I need teachers who can be questioned, communities with accountability, and a path that doesn’t require me to turn off my discernment.”
Thank you for writing this with compassion instead of dunking. So many people are quietly trying to make sense of these collapses, and your framing gives them a way through that doesn’t require either denial or cynicism.
I really feel your language around “a whole meaning system suddenly feeling unsafe to inhabit” and the attachment frame of safe base, withdrawal and betrayal injury; that lands with a kind of clinical and human precision my body exhaled reading. You named what I was reaching for in the piece when I spoke about projection collapsing and the nervous system needing time to reorganise.
I also really appreciate how you phrased the task in front of us: keeping the practices that genuinely help us regulate and soften while rebuilding our relationship to authority so discernment stays switched on. That is the edge I was feeling as I wrote.
Thank you for bringing your clinician lens into the field with this level of care and nuance, and for seeing the intention to hold compassion without sliding into denial or cynicism.
Thank you Rachael for this slow and methodical breakdown of discernment and slow leadership, where theatrics fall away and content is allowed to be examined. First I read Lissa's post, and now I read yours, and my gut, my inner core found illumination and connection, mostly to myself. Now I step forward gradually and carefully, sitting with all this weight, eyes closed and asking myself the questions you ask in your piece. And, with this process I change gravity and proceed slowly, not run to the next shelter because of fear of not belonging. I no longer have that fear, and allow myself to drift while I heal and answer those questions. Thank you.
The way you describe “changing gravity and proceeding slowly” feels like the exact medicine this moment is asking of us. The fact that you are closing your eyes, sitting with the weight, and actually letting those questions land in your body tells me you are already practicing slow leadership with yourself.
Not running to the next shelter out of fear of not belonging is no small thing. It is a deep re-patterning.
Thank you for meeting the piece at that level and for honouring your own pace in the process.
This is a truly wonderful essay, Rachael. Slow leadership....yeeeesssss...
My IFS therapist Nancy Morgan always told me, when a part was rushing to urgency "Self is in the pause."
I've skimmed this once but when I have more time, I feel like I want to slow it down and marinate in it. It's really really insightful and wise.
Lissa, thank you. That truly means a lot.
“Self is in the pause.” That feels like the heart of it. The maturation lives there, in that space between urgency and reaction. My teacher calls this ‘getting in the gap’. So much of our agency lives there!
I’m so grateful you took the time to read it, and even more that it resonated. When you have time to sit with it more, I’d love to hear what stands out for you.
Dear Rachael, your words land in my body like the presence of a weighted blanket. Your leadership shows vision, courage, and integrity. Thank you for this clear articulation of the invitation at the threshold. Without knowing it, my body has longed for slow leadership. To be able integrate and articulate without rushing to perform or provide. This is a pivotal moment. And I’m grateful for your clarity.
This touched me deeply. Thank you.
“Like a weighted blanket” is such a generous reflection. That steadiness is exactly what I was hoping to transmit. Not urgency. Not performance. Just enough pause to feel what is actually happening.
I resonate with what you said about longing for slow leadership. I think many of us have. Space to integrate before we articulate. To metabolise before we move.
It does feel pivotal.
Thank you for meeting it with such presence.
‘To metabolise before we move.’
Astounding. Captivating. Thank you for all the effort you put into this wisdom for the moment. Perfect follow up Rachael for what Lissa wrote yesterday. Thank you!
I deeply appreciate the feedback Fred! ✨💖✨
This is such striking work. I'm so glad Lissa linked to it.
Thank you. I’m so glad it found its way to you.
Grateful for Lissa’s share, and for you taking the time to read and feel into it. ✨💖✨
So much to learn from this, and you gave so much insight. 🙌
Thank you. That means a lot.
If it sparked reflection or opened something new, then it’s doing what it was meant to do.
We’re all learning in real time. I’m grateful you’re part of that unfolding. ✨🙏✨
"What red flags did we paint white because the teachings were useful?...This moment is not simply about who is guilty and who is innocent. It is about the coming-of-age of an entire field." Yes - powerful words. An invitation for us all to explore.
Love the deeper dive into Placing People on a Pedastal. Placing anyone on a pedastal eventually leads to their inevitable dethroning as it starts with an inherent power differential and idolization. A dynamic that is not sustainable and deeply impactful.
Thank you. There’s something sobering in recognising how easily admiration can slide into imbalance.
When hierarchy hardens into idolisation, rupture is almost inevitable. Not because humans are uniquely flawed, but because no one can sustain the weight of projection indefinitely.
If this moment helps us build relationships rooted in mutual humanity rather than elevation and collapse, then something truly mature may come from it.
Grateful you’re engaging it so thoughtfully.
Wow! This piece spoke to my Soul and made me cry. Such a powerful call to self reflect...this is a beautiful gift that I want to spend time with...to read and re-read your evocative invitations to slow witnessing, to grieve whatever needs to be healed and to step more fully into a space of discernment. Thank you. 🙏 💚
Thank you for receiving it that way. Truly.
If it moved you to tears, then something in it was already alive in you. I only gave language to what many of us are feeling.
Take all the time you need with it. Slow witnessing cannot be rushed. Grief cannot be forced. Discernment cannot be performed.
I’m grateful it met you where you are. And I’m grateful you shared that with me. ✨💖✨
Thank you for your voice. It is much needed. Thank you.
Wow, thank you. I recognise your name from many moons ago listening to the Treesisters events. Your work is so powerful so hearing this from you means the world
✨💖✨
One thing I find really interesting as a spiritual abuse researcher and someone who has also been around the spiritual block is the notion of projection.
The #1 comment I hear from spiritual teachers when spiritual abuse comes up is "well students just project onto the teachers".
What I say almost every time is "sure, but how did the teacher set that up to begin with, then blame the student for doing it?"
Spiritual teachers often build their own pedestals through their teachings (I'm so great and cutting edge, we are doing something so amazing, you are so special for being here)
and leadership choices (only 1 person at the top, founder syndrome, no accountability, no collective or rotating leadership, cherry picked boards of directors)
so what happens is students are actually often TAUGHT to project greatness and positive qualities onto the teacher, because it is part of the teacher's business model to keep people hooked on them and to not share or give up power over the entirety of their career. And what really gets me is every time shit hits the fan, teachers blame the students - as though students weren't discerning enough, shouldn't have raised them up so high, when literally they set the stage.
Thank you Rachel for this essay. I appreciate the nuance you are bringing to the topic.
I read most of the essay, but not all, so I apologize if there is some nuance I missed here. I'm happy to connect more.
yesssss, this is such an important layer to name, thank you for bringing it in so clearly.
You are absolutely right… “projection” gets used by a lot of teachers as a way to dodge responsibility, instead of asking the harder question you posed so well: how was that dynamic architected in the first place, and who benefits from it staying that way? If your entire business model rests on “I am uniquely cutting edge, you are special for being here, I sit at the top of the pyramid, no real accountability, no meaningful rotation of power,” then students are not just accidentally projecting, they are being trained to.
In this piece I was mostly zooming in on the participant side of the field, because that is where our agency lives day to day, and I am glad you are naming so directly the structural and leadership choices that manufacture projection and then blame the student for doing what the system quietly required of them. Both have to be in view if we are going to grow a healthier culture.
I would love to be in more conversation about your work on spiritual abuse and leadership design. This is exactly the kind of nuance I want to see shaping what comes next.
🙏🏻💖🙏🏻
This really lands, because it names the uniquely disorienting grief of a guru fall: it’s not just “a person disappointed you,” it’s that a whole meaning system you built around them suddenly feels unsafe to inhabit.
What I appreciated is how you hold two truths at once without rushing to tidy them up. On one hand, people absolutely can teach something valuable and still be deeply flawed, sometimes even abusive. On the other hand, the harm isn’t erased by “but the teachings helped me,” and the help isn’t erased by “but the person betrayed trust.” Both can be real, and the nervous system often needs time to metabolize that contradiction.
From a clinician’s lens, the psychology here makes a lot of sense: guru dynamics often borrow from attachment. When someone becomes a “safe base,” our brains stop scrutinizing them the way we would a peer. We outsource uncertainty. And that outsourcing can feel like relief, until it becomes dependency. When the figure falls, people aren’t just angry; they’re experiencing something like withdrawal plus betrayal injury.
The most useful part of your piece is the invitation to mature the spirituality rather than discard it. Keep the practices that genuinely help you regulate, connect, and become kinder, but rebuild your relationship to authority. Less “I need someone pure,” more “I need teachers who can be questioned, communities with accountability, and a path that doesn’t require me to turn off my discernment.”
Thank you for writing this with compassion instead of dunking. So many people are quietly trying to make sense of these collapses, and your framing gives them a way through that doesn’t require either denial or cynicism.
Oh wow, thank you for this.
I really feel your language around “a whole meaning system suddenly feeling unsafe to inhabit” and the attachment frame of safe base, withdrawal and betrayal injury; that lands with a kind of clinical and human precision my body exhaled reading. You named what I was reaching for in the piece when I spoke about projection collapsing and the nervous system needing time to reorganise.
I also really appreciate how you phrased the task in front of us: keeping the practices that genuinely help us regulate and soften while rebuilding our relationship to authority so discernment stays switched on. That is the edge I was feeling as I wrote.
Thank you for bringing your clinician lens into the field with this level of care and nuance, and for seeing the intention to hold compassion without sliding into denial or cynicism.
✨🙏🏻✨
Thank you Rachael for this slow and methodical breakdown of discernment and slow leadership, where theatrics fall away and content is allowed to be examined. First I read Lissa's post, and now I read yours, and my gut, my inner core found illumination and connection, mostly to myself. Now I step forward gradually and carefully, sitting with all this weight, eyes closed and asking myself the questions you ask in your piece. And, with this process I change gravity and proceed slowly, not run to the next shelter because of fear of not belonging. I no longer have that fear, and allow myself to drift while I heal and answer those questions. Thank you.
Ah, I love how you put this.
The way you describe “changing gravity and proceeding slowly” feels like the exact medicine this moment is asking of us. The fact that you are closing your eyes, sitting with the weight, and actually letting those questions land in your body tells me you are already practicing slow leadership with yourself.
Not running to the next shelter out of fear of not belonging is no small thing. It is a deep re-patterning.
Thank you for meeting the piece at that level and for honouring your own pace in the process.
✨💖✨